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Wish I could sometimes go back to sleep when that happens, instead of thinking.  But, thinking just won’t shut off then.  It’s ok.  Most of that, I’ve thought before.  It’s about skin.  We all have skin.  Doesn’t matter what color it is, it holds all the essence of our selves inside, and seldom lets any of it really leak out.  Oh, when we are young, yes, we dare to speak thoughts, and often get ridiculed, or reminded that of course, everyone has silly thoughts, and then we do more research, unless we are stubbornly holding onto our errant thoughts as though they were strongly held beliefs.  But, for the most part, by the time we’ve reached middle age, we look back on our earlier foolishness, and how we tried on thoughts, opinions, and ideas, and either through trial and error, or long experience and learning from living, we reject them soundly.

Astonishing that in this day and age, it’s verboten, not allowed, forbidden to do the same.  How can we grow?  How can we know what we haven’t learned?  How can we discover what is true if we can’t explore ideas, talk about thoughts and dreams and ideas freely?

This sack of skin, this shield, this protective layer can be trained to keep out germs and other bacterial crap, and protect the body, but it’s permeable to ideas, words, notions, thoughts of others, and these days, the young are so cheated out of natural opportunities to share speculations, suppositions, bits of experiences, among themselves, they turn instead to a tiny box of lunatic fringe ideation pumped out by tiktok or whatever silly app they use on their phones, and absorb the weirdest notions, while questioning, questioning, and questioning not the world, not their friend, but themselves, and doing it with such a critical eye, they mutilate themselves in the name of conforming, far too often.

I’m glad I grew up at a time when we could talk about things among ourselves, and not sit together staring at our little boxes instead.  I’d rather not be labeled bigot, racist, white supremacist, woke, lunatic fringe, conspiracy theorist because I “tried on” an idea, entertained a thought, examined a situation from more than one side.  I fear for my grandchildren, each a treasure and blessing sent by a loving God.  I fear for my children who will be here long after I’m gone watching society turn into something other than good old America.

We were once free here.  Are we now?

Yesterday, I had an unwanted visitor.  BPPV.  That’s short for Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo.  If you’ve never experienced it, pray it never happens.  Seems we have tiny crystals in our inner ear somewhere, I can’t recall, and if they become disturbed, we get seriously dizzy.  I mean seasick dizzy, nausea, vomiting, the whole schmere.  And I’ll tell you, it’s unsettling.

When it first happened years ago, I went to the doc, got everything checked out, ct scan, everything.  Nothing wrong.  Checked my hearing too, and found the left ear had lost lots.  So, I’ve been living with one good ear for a while.  That’s ok.  And I discovered after trying a therapy group, that did nothing for me, that there are videos on youtube with different ways to clear the initial dizziness, and restore balance.

Why knew?

Well, I tried the famous Epley Maneuver, and got nowhere.  But I found a lady doctor who had the problem herself who posted a video with a maneuver where you get down on the floor, in a somersault position, and I can’t find it now, but that worked!  And I used it yesterday.  This is the one I found years ago.  And found yet another video by a chiropractor who helps folks with BPPV, and he did a maneuver very similar, but better for old people like me with bum knees.  You can get the same result using a chair!  Well, I tried that one, too.  Very useful.  Can’t find that video now, though.

Today, I’m a bit wobbly, because it takes a bit of time for your equilibrium to come back, and your confidence!  Jeez.

Thanksgiving next week, and to all that I have to be thankful for we can add these nifty maneuvers to solve the BPPV attacks.  Now, pray I don’t get another when I have to cook next week!

This morning, as I was going out in the dark to put out the scoop of dry cat food I put out for the foxes, the ones who were born under our own shed, across the yard came a deer!  Headed right for the food spot!  Amazing!

What a beautiful gift!  What a way to start the day!

He was surprised, and took off, but hey, he was coming to our fox food source for a nibble.  Very interesting.  I’ve known a raccoon to come eat there, and the cardinals and crows love to feast as well on the food I leave for foxes.  What a treat!

It never occurred to me that deer also snacked on that little bit of food I put out.  I’m so glad!  Thanks be to God!  His creation is simply awesome and wonderful!

The Covid wasn’t enough.  No my sis fell and broke her hip, on top of the covid.  The hospital stay was brief, they replaced the hip, and tossed her out.  Sent her to the only skilled nursing place that would take her, and it was a pit, a nightmare, and they didn’t even have any pain meds for her. So, she’s home, and totally dependent on others to get her even to an adjacent potty chair!  I’m going to have to go over and help out this afternoon, and hopefully, some arrangements can be made for skilled nursing care, or rehabilitation help soon, because I’ve got my own physical problems to deal with, and while it’s probably manageable with increased meds, right now, I don’t have those.  Ugh.

And, since I talked her into going to that place, she will probably never take advice or suggestions from me ever again.  Ugh.  Well, such is life.  I hope and pray I can be of some help today, anyway.

It’s almost time for our 60th Anniversary, and this year, instead of going to Saratoga for the Travers Stakes and spending time with our good friend, Michael, we are stuck here at home because, guess what?  We are old now.

My wonderful husband is 83, and ailing with chronic back pain, even though he had extensive back surgery years ago.  The pain never stops.  And now, he’s also recovered from that pneumothorax last November, but has COPD, and it’s no joke.  He has medicine, and inhalers, and bravely works out three days a week.  But the driveway?  Heck, it’s long.  And while he used to go up and down with ease, now he drives to the mailbox.  He can walk downhill to it, but can’t manage to get back up.

I’ve got bad knees now, had injections recently and now can walk ok, and get up and down, but once those wear off, I’m facing the decision again, shot or surgery?  Ugh.

So, we are waiting for my son to come visit, and he’s taking us out for dinner.  Boy.  I will love that, because I love them, but I sure wish I were well enough for a four or five day visit to the races!